As I understand it, the Buddhists suggest that life in the west is a life lived through the torture of external events. A bill comes in the mail and we're sad.  Someone whistles at us in the street and we're happy.  I sing well and someone remembers my name and I'm ecstatic.  I go to the theatre and it's empty and I want to cut my wrists. 

Well... after being thrown up and down and back and forth and living entirely on external events since arriving in this place; living according to what's going on around me and responding to every external stimuli like a frantic sea anemone, I decided to knock that on the head.  Every day's a great day.  Every day is filled with life and having 'great expectations' is a child's game.  I had no expectations in Las Vegas and had the remarkably best most fun and inspiring time.  I had all the desperate expectations on this and it's turned into a washout so far... so what.. and who cares..   I'm fine.. I'm the same person I was before I arrived.  I've had this little change of heart and thought about external events ruling my roost since J. called me this morning sounding like a drowning man.. screaming down the phone line.. his business is potentially going under... they're being squeezed out by major advertisers... Clearchannel, death, doom, death, doom... and here I am sitting worrying about an empty auditorium and no money and then I thought.. if he'd said something nice was going on I'd be happy.  How ridiculous.  Anyway.... I'll keep a central balance and forget the rest until it bites me directly in the ass.  Bye for now, E

PS - I just got handed a business card by a huge fat Jewish lawyer sitting at the next computer.  He said, 'how long you here for?'  I said a week.  He said, 'if you want to have some fun.. give me a call.'  I told him I was attached.  He said, 'I didn't ask you to marry me.. just to have some fun.'    Then the black English guy on his mobile phone behind me is talking about actors in LA.. he says.. 'these actors.. they just do the role, they don't care whether it's good or bad as long as the money's in the bank, man.  It's really sad.'  Hallelujuah.. he's got it in one.  It IS sad.  He's telling his friend to go to New York.. it still has soul.  More Hallelujah.. boy he's really trashing LA.  He's talking about another English friend getting trapped out here in this soul-less place.  He just said, 'it seemed at one time that LA was like the place to be.. real classy.. a booming industry.. but now I don't know what's happened."  See... it IS interesting just hangin' around.  Come and hang around for a day with me! You might like it!

Bye til later

E